It is quiet in the office as it often is this early in the morning. Thoughts are racing through my head, and I am having a hard time organizing them. One thought is apparent, however. After twelve years of marriage, I feel more like a roommate with benefits than a wife. Harsh to come to this reality, but it is the way I feel. These twelve years have not been the best, and often I have thought of ways to leave only to come to the conclusion that I have no where to go.
I have feelings for him. There are times that he shows me that he loves me, but, for the most part, we sit in separate rooms, divided by our interests, and love for different things. Now, with the business slowly taking off, he is constantly, I fear looking over my shoulder, and listening to conversations. I spend time with him, but when I have to go back to the business (sudden burst of inspiration, email checking, social media posts), I find that he checks in on me a little more. He is insecure, and has always been, but I fear it’s getting worse.
I pray to God to help me sort this out, but once again, I feel there is an open door that must be walked through, and this door will close this chapter in my life. I welcome the change. I have tried to talk to him over the course of our marriage, and it would seem to work for a while, but he would go back to his old ways, and I would find myself back at square one. I have done everything I could to tell him and show him the way I would like to be treated, but it never lasts long. I have been patient and hopeful for twelve years, but it is time I did something for me, and chased, not only my dreams, but my happiness as well.
Until next time, God Bless.