Why? Simply because the absolute love of my life drives a truck (Semi for those who are looking at the word truck and wondering.). He is either going to be in town some time today or tomorrow evening. I can’t wait. This starts a new chapter in my life with an old love that I have been missing in my life for a long time. (Read “Of Nerves and new beginnings” if you need to be filled in on the details.) I will still be making jewelry, and selling it on etsy. I will be doing it from the road. I can’t wait. I so want him to walk in that door right now.
I am simply overflowing with excitement, love and anticipation of his arrival. I am impatient to start this new chapter of my life. I know there are still some matters that must be resolved with the old life before I am truly free. I just know, with every fiber of my being that I will be loved, happy, safe, cherished, and wanted with Buddy. I also know that I will return his affection for me with the same intensity, depth, and enthusiasm without effort. I love him so much, and I never stopped loving him for those twenty years that I searched. Just knowing that I will be truly happy fills me with joy. I know that being with him is right, and it is where I should have been twenty years ago.
I say a prayer to God for my ex, Mark. May God lay his hands upon him and steady him. May God embrace him, and fill him with the understanding that the love he deserves is out there and will find him. May God steady his heart and help him to move on with his life. May He make the pain subside. Most important of all, may He allow Mark to realize that what happened is not any of his doing. Until next time, God bless.
Here I am, patiently waiting for my number to be called in what used to be known as the DMV in Georgia (It’s now the Department of Driver Services, fancy, isn’t?). It’s a wonder sometimes how we have to be in a rush to do things, errands, updating licenses and such, and constantly find yourself in a holding pattern, waiting. I believe the military calls it “hurry up and wait”, appropriate. As I look around, I notice that most people seem impatient, mostly, in my opinion, because they didn’t bring anything to do. There are those on tablets, and, like me, on smart phones. My mind wanders at times like these.
As much as we gripe and complain about time wasted and how long we have to wait, we overlook an important fact, God waits for us to accept Him, and we never hear Him complain. Think about it. For some, the realization that God is with us is a simple fact that we accept, and we live according to His word and how He wants us to live. For others, it takes almost an entire lifetime to realize that the hole in our hearts is because we never accepted God, and have spent a good chunk of our lives running from Him. Sort of makes complaining about the wait not so important, doesn’t it? Until next time, God bless.
It is quiet in the office as it often is this early in the morning. Thoughts are racing through my head, and I am having a hard time organizing them. One thought is apparent, however. After twelve years of marriage, I feel more like a roommate with benefits than a wife. Harsh to come to this reality, but it is the way I feel. These twelve years have not been the best, and often I have thought of ways to leave only to come to the conclusion that I have no where to go.
I have feelings for him. There are times that he shows me that he loves me, but, for the most part, we sit in separate rooms, divided by our interests, and love for different things. Now, with the business slowly taking off, he is constantly, I fear looking over my shoulder, and listening to conversations. I spend time with him, but when I have to go back to the business (sudden burst of inspiration, email checking, social media posts), I find that he checks in on me a little more. He is insecure, and has always been, but I fear it’s getting worse.
I pray to God to help me sort this out, but once again, I feel there is an open door that must be walked through, and this door will close this chapter in my life. I welcome the change. I have tried to talk to him over the course of our marriage, and it would seem to work for a while, but he would go back to his old ways, and I would find myself back at square one. I have done everything I could to tell him and show him the way I would like to be treated, but it never lasts long. I have been patient and hopeful for twelve years, but it is time I did something for me, and chased, not only my dreams, but my happiness as well.
Until next time, God Bless.