As I sit here and type, the thoughts that are running through my head are taking shape. There are a lot of things that we learn as we take the journey through life. Some of these things are funny, some ironic, and others are very profound. Often, we don’t even know we are learning them until we look back on our lives and see how far we’ve come with the years God has blessed us with having.
As small children, we were born with unconditional love. The type of love God wants us to have for all of our fellow brothers and sisters. We are color blind, and know only that the kid across the street loves to play as much as we do. We don’t care that they sound funny, have a limp, or that they are a different color. They are a playmate, a friend. Then, we begin to listen to our parents as they shape the way we think and behave.
For me, growing up wasn’t hard. I wasn’t spoiled as some people would think an only child would. I was given things, when I earned them. I was punished when I missed stepped and tested my parents. I learned that parents can only be pushed so far, and that disrespect was punished. I did have chores put on me, and I learned that doing them had their own reward. My journey in earning and saving money had begun. Yes, I got upset when they told me no to something that was beyond my reach financially, but I soon got over it, and found a way to obtain it.
School taught me that children can be cruel. Twelve years of ridicule, being laughed at, and made fun of made me strong. I learned that it didn’t matter what they said, only what I believed. Looking back, I am amazed that I didn’t try to kill myself. There were plenty of times I felt the world would be better off without me. I learned to hate those that constantly made fun of me, and wished that school would end so I didn’t have to keep going back to that hell. I still have scars for those twelve years. Only now, they are badges of honor. I use them to teach others how to ignore the bullies, and listen to God’s words. I wouldn’t go through that again if I had the chance. Once was definitely enough. I hated school. Can you blame me?
I got pregnant soon after I graduated. I called the next few years my “rebel without a clue” years. I ran off with the biological father of my what was soon-to-be son. I found out that things could be a lot worse. Not knowing whether the roof that was over my head today would be there tomorrow or whether there would be enough food for everyone sobered me up to the fact that I really had nothing to complain about when it came to my parents. I was kicked out of the apartment when I was eight months pregnant, and I went back home.
My mother often thought that I came home as a last resort, but I was thinking of coming home the whole time I was away. I just didn’t know if they would have me after I left. I knew that I had hurt them. I was scared to ask if I could come back home. I don’t know why, but I was nervous that they would be too hurt to take me back. I learned otherwise. Your parents will always take you back. It may different, and you may have to adjust to new a feeling, but they will always welcome you home.
Then, I learned the most important lesson of all through all my life. God is always with you. He is patient as he waits for you to come home. He is always speaking to you, though you do not always listen. He loves you unconditionally, giving everything to make sure you feel loved. He forgives you your transgressions. He knows that you need to stretch your wings and travel your own path before you realize the road you are travelling will lead back to Him. He lifts you up when you feel as if you are falling, and strengthens you when you feel weak. He shows you how strong and beautiful you are at those moments when you feel unimportant, ugly, and feel like giving up. He teaches you strength, love, compassion, patience, and generosity. You need only to stop and listen with your soul and heart.
Until next time, God Bless you all.